First blog post

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Get to know me first

It’s been awhile but slowly I’m weaving my way back into the matrix. 2018 just started for me with a couple of wake up calls. Leaving me hurt/confused/loved/and well a whirl wind of emotions.

Stay tuned

Silent night

A Silent night in December calls for an olive hoodie sweater. Keep cozy but stay warm and fly…..

I guess some would rather I keep my dark side to myself. Those are the ones I feel who never felt pain. So for those who do I thank them for continuous motivation and inspiring me. Despite the pain and torment it can do they keep their heads up and keep fighting. I do fight I do feel strong at times. It’s the worst times that of course make me feel hopeless. What do I do? Express my pain or keep silent.

Jumping Waves

So this whole time since I was five I really thought I was going to make it and finally reach my goal in becoming a teacher.

The struggle has been real. I just have been jumping these huge waves in my life that it scares me to know when the next big Wave is coming. Eventhough I know I can swim and make it through, the ocean is still unpredictable, but then again so am I. I made it this far. I won’t give up now.

So lets see The waves start off small. You can jump those with no problem or someone holding on and helping you along the way. Those were like my younger years when everything seemed perfect but it was that I was too young to understand. Those waves are the best and most painful to remember because they were so good when I was younger I crave for those innocent years of my life back.

As the years continued so did the waves. The biggest wave was when I was 15 and found out my Father was an addict. It hurt me. That wave knocked me down, punched me in my heart that I almost lost all of my love for him. Eventually I became an enabler to his demons which affected me later on. I thought that was a big wave.

On My seventeenth birthday I found out that I was pregnant. How to explain this wave would be a story on its own. Raising my son has been one hell of a wave but its a wave I never can regret.

Little but strong waves came in between. Ending a love and starting a new was indeed one I always will take with me. Deed End jobs, going to a community college taking a class a semester because that was all I could afford. Somehow I managed to make it where I have only 2 credits left.

Getting married to my soulmate was the I fell in love with the ocean all over again. But then a Huge destructive wave came. Leaving permanent damage. Multiple sclerosis hit me 1 week after my engagement. It has been tormenting ever since. Forcing me to change of some good and some bad. Forget about being a teacher. Forget about making plans. Im waiting to jump another wave at this very moment.